


And I'm Only Doing Good When I'm Having Fun

by Polomonkey



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: BAMF Women, F/F, Femslash February, Matchmaking, Romance, Sexual Content, Whatever the opposite of slut shaming is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 14:02:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5931028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polomonkey/pseuds/Polomonkey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone disapproves of Sophia and Vivian. It's a good thing they don't give a fuck.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And I'm Only Doing Good When I'm Having Fun

**Author's Note:**

> For the Tavern Tales theme arrangements, betrothals, and matchmakers. Title taken from [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RAQXg0IdfI) old school bad girl anthem.

“There’s a rumour going round school you fucked Arthur Pendragon,” Vivian says, throwing her bag down on the bathroom floor.

“Funny, I heard that rumour about you,” Sophia says casually.

“Yeah but I also heard you drugged his ass and tried to drown him in a paddling pool.”

Sophia snorts with laughter as Vivian climbs up on the ledge above the sinks beside her.

“Poor Arthur. Being fictionally drowned in a river would be much manlier.”

Vivian sniggers and dips her hand into Sophia’s rucksack, rifling through till she finds the cigarettes.

Sophia doesn’t mind. Her and Vivian share everything. Fags, booze, a bed. Word on the street is that Sophia and Vivian have fucked half the guys in town, but the real dirty little secret is they only have eyes for each other.

“I hope you defended my honour,” Sophia says.

“Nah, I told them you were a Satanist and it was all part of some occult ritual to steal his soul.”

“What would I do with Arthur’s soul exactly?”

“Use it to play Ultimate Frisbee, obviously.”

Sophia starts laughing again.

“You imagine it like a Frisbee?”

“Yeah, or a pancake. Something round and flat, anyway.”

Vivian wriggles around until she’s lying with her head in Sophia’s lap.

“What did happen then?”

“We went for pizza and he spent the whole time talking about that quiet kid Merlin and how annoying he is. On and on and on.”

Vivian wrinkles her nose.

“What’s that about?”

“Gay as the day is long, mate.”

“Bullshit.”

“I said it to his face and he got all weird and spluttery and then he said his dad would kill him and could he please tell his friends we shagged to save face?”

“And you said…”

“I said yeah. No skin off my nose.”

Vivian takes a long drag on her cigarette.

“Hmmm,” she says contemplatively. “We should tell that Merlin kid what’s up though.”

“I already kicked a puppy today, thanks,” Sophia says.

“No, in a nice way! Like, a matchmaking way. Get the Closet Case and the Startled Fawn together.”

“Startled Fawn?”

“That Merlin is the Bambi-est looking motherfucker I’ve ever seen in my life.”

“You really have a way with words.”

“Come on, it’ll be fun!”

“Yeah, alright. What do we do then?”

“We get dick pics off Grindr and then send them to Merlin,” Vivian says decisively. “Pretend they’re from Arthur and he’s horny and waiting or whatever.”

“If you send Merlin a Grindr dick pic I guaran-damn-tee he will faint and need to be revived with smelling salts.”

“Arthur can revive him with his cock.”

“Truly, the way you speak is poetry.”

“Fine, you think of something.”

“I will.”

Sophia pauses, idly stroking Vivian’s hair.

“Wonder why Arthur added that weird shit about the drowning though,” she muses.

“You gonna say anything?”

“Nah, who cares? I already extracted his soul, anyway.”

“Frisbee?”

“Pancake. I ate it with some maple syrup for breakfast today.”

Vivian laughs, that unattractive open mouthed one she only ever does around Sophia, and Sophia can't help but lean down and kiss her. Then the bell rings and they have to stub out their fags in a hurry before Principal Pendragon finds them.

 

***

 

The whole school is humming with talk of what Sophia supposedly did last night. It’s nothing new. Sophia considers it a wasted day if at least someone isn’t disapproving of her, be it teacher or student.

She rides high on a wave of pointed looks and gossipy whispers; so buzzed off all the ill-concealed censure that she almost has to sneak into the cleaning closet at lunch to jack off. She tells Vivian by text, who instantly replies to say she should do it in the chapel instead.

_In the eyes of God? For shame, Viv._

_God’s seen me do worse in town on a Saturday night, believe me._

_I believe you. I’ve been there for most of it._

Sophia looks up from her phone to see a Year Seven staring at her in awe.

“Is it true you gave Arthur Pendragon heroin and then pushed him in the lake?”

“No,” Sophia says scathingly. “I gave him a horse tranquiliser.”

She treasures his look of shock all the way to class.

 

***

 

Mr Gaius partners Sophia with Merlin for the History project. She throws herself in the seat next to him and can’t help but relish the flicker of nerves on his face.

A part of her wants to needle him, to make him sweat, to feel that delicious spike of adrenaline she gets when she pushes someone a bit too far.

But another part of her takes note of his bitten down nails and his slight stammer and the holes in his worn-down jeans. It’s that part of her that bluntly informs him they’ll be working on the project at her house tonight.

When he arrives she’s already gathered together a big pile of the clothes her brother left behind when he went off to uni. He’s about Merlin’s size.

It’s not pity, no way. She couldn’t care less about Bambi. She just wants to please Viv. And there’s no chance Merlin’s going to seduce Arthur in those rags he calls clothes.

She waits for him to leave and then hands him the bag at the last second.

“Chuck these in the bin on the way out, will you?”

Merlin looks inside and his eyebrows shoot up.

“These are good clothes Sophia, you shouldn’t throw them away.”

“Take them home then, I don’t give a fuck,” Sophia snaps.

His eyes widen in realisation.

“I don’t need charity-”

“Charity? I wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire, Emrys.”

He gives her a considering look then, and the briefest of grins crosses his face.

“Thanks.”

“Fuck off,” Sophia says, and slams the door in his face.

But she has a small private grin of her own when he comes in the next day wearing her brother’s jeans.

 

***

 

Sophia finds the word ‘SLAG’ carved on her locker.

Vivian takes a picture of it, puts it on Instagram, and captions it: ‘Same, tbh.’

Someone writes ‘Soph and Viv are sluts’ on the bathroom wall.

Sophia corrects it to ‘Soph and Viv are _pretty_ sluts’

They laugh and laugh.

 

***

 

Merlin looks surprised beyond belief when Sophia slams her half of the history project down on the desk.

“You actually did it? I thought I was gonna have to…”

He trails off when he sees her glare.

“Well. Thanks.”

“Shut up, Merlin,” Sophia says but he barely flickers. He’s gotten entirely too used to her recently.

“Arthur Pendragon wants your cock, you know,” she says, just to keep him on his toes.

“I know,” he says, looking straight ahead. “I gave it to him last night.”

Sophia nearly chokes on her Diet Coke. She doesn’t get outplayed very often, but she gives credit where credit’s due, and bangs Merlin on the back in celebration.

“Ow,” he says weakly, and gives her a tentative smile.

 

***

 

“We are such good matchmakers,” Vivian says in the toilets later, sat with her legs splayed wide over the sink.

“We? You didn’t even do anything,” Sophia says, then adds, in the spirit of honesty. “Neither did I, to be fair, I was only trying to wind him up.”

“Still. I hope Pancake Soul and Hand-Me-Downs are very happy together.”

“What a gift you have for nicknames.”

“You should hear mine for you.”

“Go on then,” Sophia says, walking over to stand between Vivian’s bare legs.

“Psycho Bitch,” says Vivian sweetly. “Uber Whore. Skank Queen.”

“Stop, I’m blushing,” Sophia murmurs.

“Cunt Licker.”

“Is that an invitation?”

“Isn’t it always?” Vivian says and spreads her legs wider.

The bathroom tiles are cold under Sophia’s knees but it’s a perfect contrast with the warmth of Vivian’s snatch. Sophia’s hand dips into her own underwear as she fucks her tongue inside Vivian, and if they don’t manage a simultaneous orgasm, they come damn close.

“Matchmaking gives me the horn,” says Vivian after. “Who are we pairing up next?”

“Mr Gaius and Principal Pendragon?” Sophia suggests.

“Now you’re talking,” Vivian says, and gives her a filthy open mouthed kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
